Check out students' answers to Flo-Joe's CPE Writing tasks with a teacher's feedback
Question
A newspaper that you read regularly is conducting a campaign to encourage schools to teach more relevant subjects, or 'life' skills. Its editor has asked readers to write short articles based on the following question:
What essential topics do you wish had been included in the school curriculum when you were a pupil? |
Write the article or the editor of the newspaper. (around 280 - 320 words)
Read Jenny's answer to this question below. Try correcting the piece of writing yourself first: use the marking codes to think about what might be wrong (or what's good) about the piece of work. Then when you're ready, click the green buttons in the text for our feedback.
Back in the day when I was in high school the curriculum was clear cut; it ranged from languages to economics and mathmatics
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One thing I was not prepared for but which proved to be a vital part of my entire adult life was how to handle my personal finance. Some bits and pieces were touched upon during economics class but none of the teachers really explained the pitfalls of a bankloan WF Another worldly subject which schools should spend more time on is social interaction. At school you are surrounded by peers and teachers but that does not prepare you for things like your first job application. I still have vivid memories of mine; I was totally under-dressed, way to cocky and not nearly respectful enough to the person conducting the interview. Needless to say I did not get the job! For this reason alone social behaviour should be much higher on the agenda of schools P A final matter, and maybe the most important one, is our health. We have all read the global reports on overweight children, adults dying of cardiac failure, the list goes on and on. So why is there no focus on a healthy lifestyle at school already? Not only could it save thousands of lives but it would also save millions in healthcare annually. Just teaching kids to pay attention to their intake of fat, sugar, salt, additives, etc. would mean a world of difference. In combination with sports this could hugely improve the lives of future generations, and who knows, we might actually finally be able to become 150 years old! All thanks to a new and improved curriculum. |
Content
This is a full and thoughtful response to the question. All content is relevant to the task.
Communicative Achievement
The article has been written in an engaging style, using questions to the reader, exclamations and employing a chatty style throughout. The article is sufficiently well-written for the editor to consider publication.
Organisation
The article is very clearly and logically organised, with clear paragraphing. Simple linking words are used well, and discourse markers like 'Needless to say', 'For this reason' and 'A final matter' are used effectively. More subtle cohesive devices are also employed. For example 'All' as in 'All were supposed to' and 'they' as in 'Did they really' refer back nicely to the previously-mentioned subjects. 'One thing' points forward to the subject of finance.
Language
A very well written article. You have used both vocabulary and grammatical structures effectively to express simple and more complex ideas effectively. Note the following:
/\ Word(s) missing
- Omit word
C Capitalization
Gd Good
O Organisation
P Punctuation
PE Poorly expressed
R Register/Formality
SS Sentence Structure
S Spelling
T Tip
WF Wrong form
WO Word order
WT Wrong tense
WW Wrong word